Is it the same for you?
by endless stories29
Summary: Clexa au where Clarke and Lexa are roommates in college. Feel free to comment! :)
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1:**

Clarke stumbled in her new college dorm room. It was small, but livable. There were two beds on either side of the room. Since her roommate wasn't there yet, she chose the one on the left. Clarke wishes her roommate was Octavia, who is also going to the same college, but Octavia is a floor above her. To be honest the only reason Clarke decided to go to this college was because of Octavia. Clarke doesn't think Grounder University would be the best college for her, but she can't change her mind now. As she was un-packing her bags someone opened the door. A tall, brunette girl with two suitcases stood in the doorway. 'This must be my new roommate' Clarke thought. The girl walked over to the bed that wasn't taken and put her stuff down. Clarke came up behind her.

"Hi. My name is Clarke. I guess we are roommates." The girl didn't turn around.

"I guess so." The brunette said. They didn't say anything else until Clarke realized that she didn't know her name.

"So, what's your name?" Clarke asked.

"Lexa." The girl spoke.

"That's a pretty name." Clarke said without thinking. Then Clarke froze. 'Why did I say that?' She thought. 'I am probably coming off as a creep.' Lexa cleared her throat and turned to look at Clarke.

"Thank you." Lexa spoke sweetly because she didn't want to come off as mean and rude. Clarke got a look at Lexa's face. She had a very young looking face, with big green eyes and luscious lips. Clarke gave Lexa a smile and Lexa turned around and continued unpacking her things. There was a knock on the door and Clarke answered it.

"This school is going to fucking suck." Octavia barged in and came to a sudden stop when she realized someone else was in the room. "Is this your roommate?"

"Yea, her name is Lexa." Clarke said looking at Lexa, who seemed to care less about what was going on. She focused her attention back to Octavia. "So, why is this school going to suck?"

"Oh yea," Octavia said and sat on Clarke's bed, making herself comfortable, "I haven't seen one cute guy! Not one!" Clarke rolled her eyes and sat next to Octavia.

"That is what you're worried about?" Clarke questioned and Octavia nodded. "You should try and focus on school first."

"What fun is that?" Octavia said and Clarke rolled her eyes again.

That night Clarke and Octavia got dinner on campus and Octavia walked Clarke back to her dorm.

"Bye O." They hugged and Clarke walked into the room. Lexa was sitting on her own bed reading a book and Clarke went over to her own bed and lay down.

"Your friend seems interesting." Lexa said while reading her book. Clarke laughed.

"Yea, I know. All she cares about is boys." Clarke thought for a moment. "But she is right there aren't any cute boys here."

"I know one." Lexa said as she put down her book.

"Who? And set Octavia up with him or else she will be nagging her about boys everyday." Clarke pleaded and Lexa gave a quick smile.

"His name is Lincoln and he is a sophomore."

"How do you know him?"

"We grew up in the same foster home. He is basically like my brother." Lexa said. She thought about how her and Lincoln used to play all the time and how they were the only ones that actually stayed in the same foster home until they were adults. "Do you have any siblings?"

"No, just me. My mom couldn't have anymore kids after I was born." Clarke said.

"It is getting late we should get some sleep." Lexa said and Clarke nodded before she got up and grabbed her pajamas.

"if you don't mind, I am just going to change really quick." Clarke said in the corner by her bed.

"No problem, we have to get used to seeing each other naked anyways." Lexa said getting under her covers. Clarke was a little shocked by Lexa's response, but she didn't think too much of it. After Clarke finished getting dressed Lexa turned off the light and they both went to sleep.

A few days later, Clarke and everyone at Grounder University started school. Lexa and Clarke had gotten friendly and Octavia started talking to Lincoln. When school ended, Lexa and Clarke walked back to their dorm together. The only class they had together was the last one of the day, which was a basic math class.

"So, how did your first day go?" Clarke asked, closing the dorm door behind her.

"It was alright. You?" Lexa asked.

"Same. And thank you for setting up Lincoln and Octavia."

"No problem." Lexa smiled. Clarke liked it when she smiled. When Lexa smiled, Clarke couldn't help but smile too. Lexa took off her shirt and sat on her bed in her bra, something she has done before. Clarke liked when she did that too. It meant that she was comfortable around Clarke and Clarke liked that. Clarke found herself staring at Lexa's toned, flat stomach and looked away before Lexa noticed her staring. Clarke plopped on her bed and groaned.

"All I want to do is sleep and eat." Clarke said, face in her pillow.

"We could order some Chinese tonight?" Lexa said. Clarke gave her a thumbs up. "So, what are you studying again?" Lexa asked as the played with her hands. Clarke turned her neck so she could see Lexa.

"Pre- Med. You?"

"I'm not sure yet." Lexa said and Clarke was confused.

"How can you not be sure?"

"Well I am studying communications, but that is not really what I want to do."

"Why are you then?"

"I wanted to get a college education before I go into the military. But I am not even 100% sure if I want to go into the military. So I am just not sure."

"You would kick ass in the military. Toughest girl there." Clarke said laughing a little and Lexa smiled at her and then Clarke was smiling too.

Later that night they were on Lexa's bed eating Chinese and watching 'The Notebook' on Lexa's laptop. They had to be pretty close together in order to see the screen and Clarke found it awkward at first, but got used to it. Their shoulders were touching and they leaned their heads against each other's. They were becoming really fast friends, it has only been a few days and Clarke feels like she has known Lexa for a lifetime and Lexa feels the same way. When the movie was over Clarke stayed on Lexa's bed and they were talked for a while before they both went to bed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

It was now the two weeks before winter break. Lexa and Clarke had become so close, they were practically sisters. Lincoln finally asked Octavia on a date and they have been dating for two weeks. At the moment, Lexa and Clarke were both sitting on their beds studying for finals.

"Fuck finals. I want to go out and party like everyone else!" Clarke complained, throwing her book on her bed. It was 10 on a Friday night and everyone was out doing something, while they sat here studying.

"Me too. But we have to study first." Lexa said not looking up from her book.

"Can we take a break and have just talk. I love talking to you." Clarke said. Clarke and Lexa started this new thing where they would talk almost every night when it was late. It calmed both of them down. Lexa sighed.

"Not yet Clarke, just a few more hours of studying." Lexa said. _A few hours!?_ Clarke groaned.

"Please…." Lexa shook her head, still looking at her book. Clarke went over to Lexa's bed and lay on top of the bottom half of her. Clarke and Lexa weren't just mentally close, but they were physically too. It was almost like they were both flirting with each other, but neither of them knew it. "Please…." Clarke repeated herself. After a few more pleases, Lexa gave in.

"Urg, fine. I can't say 'no' to you." Clarke smiled and got under the covers of Lexa's bed. They didn't always lie in the same bed, but Clarke was already over there, so why not. Lexa shut off the light and the only thing she could see was Clarke lying next to her. It was a tight fit for both of them to lie in a twin size bed, but they made it work.

"So, what do you want to talk about Clarke?" Lexa asked, her face close to Clarke's.

"Do you like anyone?" Clarke asked.

"Yea I do." Lexa said.

"What! Who?"

"I can't tell you." Lexa said. Lexa couldn't tell Clarke, because it was Clarke. She had felt this way for a while, but she doesn't want to ruin their friendship. Clarke doesn't even know that Lexa is gay.

"Come on. Don't do that? Who is he?" Clarke asked. Lexa's heart stopped when Clarke said 'he'. 'Maybe I should just tell her I am gay and she won't question who I like.' Lexa thought to herself. Lexa doesn't know what Clarke would think and maybe now is not the best time considering how close their faces are at the moment.

"Um…" Lexa froze. "Clarke, it is not a 'he'." Lexa said worried about what Clarke would say next.

"What do you mean?" Clarke asked even though she knew what Lexa was going to say.

"I'm gay Clarke." Lexa said it and it felt good to say it. The only other person that knew was Lincoln, but telling Clarke, the person she loves and her best friend, felt like a weight off her shoulders.

"You are!? How come you never told me?!" Clarke asked in an enthusiastic way. Lexa was not expecting that reaction, but couldn't have asked for a better one.

"I don't know. I thought that you would look at me differently or be grossed out or something." Lexa said and Clarke shook her head.

"Nothing you tell me could make me think differently of you. You are my best friend. I love you Lex." Clarke said. Even though Clarke didn't mean 'I love you' in the way Lexa wanted her too, it still felt good to hear her say it. Water started to build up in Lexa's eyes and Clarke moved closer to her and pulled her in for a hug. Clarke intertwined a leg with Lexa's and hugged her tight.

"I love you too." Lexa said and wished Clarke new the context in which she said it in. Clarke and Lexa both fell asleep in each other's arms.

Clarke woke up the next morning still in Lexa's arms. Clarke took a deep breath and buried her head deeper in Lexa's neck.

"What time is it?" Lexa asked, just waking up.

"I have no idea. Morning." Lexa laughed.

"No, duh it's morning." Clarke hummed in response. Lexa and Clarke had never cuddled like this before and Lexa was surprised that Clarke didn't find it weird, considering they weren't a couple. But, Lexa wasn't going to complain, she would cuddle with Clarke everyday if she could. They both lay there for a while longer before Clarke untangled with Lexa and checked Lexa's alarm clock behind their heads.

"10:30" Clarke said as she lay back down on her back. Lexa sighed.

"We should get some food." Lexa said through closed eyes.

"The cafeteria is probably closed." Clarke said and Lexa groaned in response. Clarke turned to look at Lexa. 'She is so pretty' Clarke thought to herself.

"Did I ever mention that you have to cutest nose?" Clarke asked poking Lexa's nose. Lexa smiled a close mouthed smile and opened her eyes.

"Did I ever mention you have to cutest freckle above your lip?" Lexa asked poking the freckle above Clarke's upper lip. Clarke smiled.

"Come on," Clarke said getting up, "Let's get up and go and see if the cafeteria is open." Clarke and Lexa both walked down to the cafeteria with their hair on a bun and a sweatshirt and sweatpants. Clarke linked an arm with Lexa shivering. Thankfully, the cafeteria was open, so the two girls sat down and ate breakfast.

For the rest of the day, the girls stayed in their room and talked, studied, and watched movies.

Finals finally ended and Clarke had never been so relieved. She walked with Lexa back to their room.

"So are you going home for Christmas?" Lexa asked.

"No, my mom and I aren't in the best place right now. I am just going to stay here with Octavia and you. That is if you aren't going anywhere." Clarke said, sitting down on her bed.

"Don't worry, I am not going anywhere. Foster kid, remember." Lexa said, sitting next to Clarke.

"You aren't going to see your foster mom with Lincoln?"

"No, I would if I could. She died over the summer."

"Oh my god, Lexa I am so sorry."

"It's alright. I am over it. I do miss her though….. What is going on with you and your mom?"

"Oh, um.. I found out that she is the reason my dad died two years ago."

"Clarke, I'm sorry."

"Yea," Clarke said stating to tear up, "Me too." Lexa held Clarke's hand and rested her head on Clarke's shoulder.

"Well, we are going to have a kickass Christmas together." Lexa said.

"Okay." Clarke sniffled and lay her head on top of Lexa's. Someone knocked on the door. Clarke answered it and Octavia was there.

"Guess who's here!" Octavia said excited. Before Clarke had time to respond, Octavia pulled Bellamy next to her.

"Bell!" Clarke said, embracing him in a tight hug.

"Hey princess." Bellamy said as he broke away from the hug.

"Why are you here!?" Clarke asked.

"Came down from Sky University to spend Christmas with my little sister. Also you, now that you aren't going anywhere."

"Well it's great to see you." Clarke said as she smiled. "Oh, I forgot," Clarke brought Bellamy into the room, "This is my roommate Lexa."

"Hi." He said.

"Hi." Lexa said. Lexa felt a little awkward. She felt like she had something with Clarke, but then when Bellamy came, all of it was crushed into millions of pieces.

"So where are you staying?" Clarke asked.

"My roommate is leaving and so Bellamy is going to stay there." Octavia answered and Clarke nodded. "I think Raven might be coming too, but I don't know when or where she will stay. Probably just with me. Or you."

"Cool." Clarke said. Clarke didn't want to offer her dorm to anyone else because she wanted it to be just her and Lexa, bust she had no idea why.

"I am going to go get settled in. See you later." Bellamy said.

"Bye." Clarke said and Bellamy and Octavia left. Clarke sat back down next to Lexa and noticed something was wrong. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, it is just you seem to have a very close relationship with him." Lexa said and Clarke was confused. Was Lexa jealous?

"I mean yea. We have known each other almost all our lives. Octavia and I used to hang out with him and his friend Jasper." Lexa just nodded in response. "Lexa, no one could ever replace you." Clarke added. Lexa didn't want it to be a super heart felt moment.

"I know." Lexa said jokingly. Clarke broke into a small laugh and nudged Lexa's shoulder.

"Lexa! Way too much." Clarke laughed as Lexa poured more wine into her glass. It was Christmas Eve and everyone was in Octavia's dorm room having a party. Raven came the day before and was also staying in Octavia's room. Lexa hadn't really become friendly with any of Clarke's friends, she just needed Clarke. It was pretty late at night and everyone had had a lot to drink. Octavia was already passed out cold and Raven was almost. Clarke and Lexa were having a great time though. They laughed and danced. But at some point during the night, Lexa got really jealous of Clarke and Bellamy. They were talking a lot, but Lexa tried to forget all of it by drinking more. Once it hit 3 am, Clarke and Lexa headed back to their room. Lexa was hanging onto Clarke as Clarke tried to get the door open. Lexa and Clarke both flopped onto their beds. They were silent for a while.

"I am freezing." Lexa said.

"Come here." Clarke said, scooting over in her bed so there was room for Lexa. Lexa slid under the covers close to Clarke and faced her in the dark room.

"You smell like booze." Lexa said.

"So do you." Clarke laughed. "So why were you jealous?"

"What?" Lexa asked. 'How did Clarke know? Was I really that obvious?' Lexa wondered.

"When I was talking to Bellamy you were jealous. Why?"

"Because I don't want him talking to you and flirting with you." Clarke was silent for a moment.

"When you wouldn't tell me who you liked, was it because it was me?" Clarke asked. Lexa fell silent and then nodded. On a normal day, she wouldn't have done that, but the booze messed with her head. "Why didn't you tell me?" Clarke added.

"Because I know you don't feel the same way and I didn't want to ruin our friendship."

"Who says I don't feel the same way?" Clarke said, staring at Lexa's lips. Lexa froze and her eyes widened. 'It is probably the booze talking. Clarke doesn't like me. She is straight.' Lexa thought. Clarke leaned in closer to Lexa so their noses touched. Clarke didn't know what she had with Lexa was before, but now she knows Lexa's feelings aren't one-sided. Clarke touched her lips to Lexa's. Lexa didn't kiss back, she was to frozen in shock. But, the second time Lexa leaned in and kissed Clarke with passion. Clarke put her hand in Lexa's hair and Lexa wrapped her arm around Clarke, bringing her closer. Clarke trailed her tongue across Lexa's teeth and then her tongue. Lexa wanted this to continue, she wanted Clarke. But now, when they are totally wasted is not the time. Lexa pulled away and Clarke seemed surprised.

"We should sleep." Lexa said.

"But, I thought… I thought you wanted to." Clarke said.

"I do Clarke, but not tonight." Lexa said, placing a small kiss on Clarke's nose before wrapping her arms around Clarke and burying her head in the crook of Clarke's neck. Before they knew it, they were both fast asleep.

*I hope you all enjoyed! I can't wait for you to read the nest chapter! I have something big planned. :)*


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

The next morning Clarke woke up spooning Lexa, Clarke being the smaller spoon. Clarke tried to remember what happened that night. Did she really kiss Lexa, or was it a dream? Clarke froze at the thought. 'Wait, I am not gay. At least I don't think I am. Well, I might be. I love Lexa as more than a friend. I think. What is happening right now?' Clarke thought to herself and began to panic. She sat up gently and looked at Lexa, who was still dead asleep. Clarke decided that she would go to the bathroom. On the way to the bathroom, she began to think. 'How did I not see the signs before? Lexa and I were always really close, emotionally and physically. She even told me she was gay and then we ended up cuddling. No wonder, I gave her the right signals and she thought they meant something completely different then I intended them to be.' Clarke thought. When she was done she walked back into her room to find Lexa awake and waiting for her on her bed.

"Hey. Merry Christmas." Lexa said in a bit of a seductive tone.

"Merry Christmas." Clarke said walking over to her closet, grabbing clothes for today. Lexa was a bit confused.

"So um.. about last night," Lexa started before Clarke interrupted.

"We should get ready if we want to be over to Octavia's in time." Clarke said picking out a pair of shoes to go with her outfit. Lexa got even more confused. Clarke was trying to act like nothing happened because it is easier than facing what did. Clarke didn't want to start anything with Lexa, even though there is a little part of her that knows she really loves her.

"Clarke. What's going on?" Lexa questioned sitting up on Clarke's bed.

"What do you mean?" Clarke asked laying her clothes out on the foot of her bed.

"Clarke, you kissed me last night and know you are acting like nothing happened."

"That is because it didn't **_mean_** anything. I was drunk. You were drunk. We did and said things that we didn't mean." Lexa sighed and gathered up the courage to tell Clarke what she is about to tell her.

"What I said last night is true. I do have feelings for you." Lexa said and Clarke froze.

"Well," Clarke hesitated, "I don't have feelings for you, so…"

"Oh bullshit. You know that is not true. I can see it in the way that you look at me, we are more than just friends." Clarke shook her head.

"You're wrong Lexa."

"No, I'm not." Lexa said as she got off of Clarkes bed and walked over to Clarke.

"Lexa.." Clarke said. Lexa's face was close to Clarke's and they looked each other in the eyes.

"You know we love each other as more than friends."

"Stop."

"I can tell by the way you breathe hitches every time I get super close to you and how fast your breathing gets. You get nervous and that is how I know." Clarke started to back away, but Lexa continued to follow until Clarke's back hit the wall. Clarke's breath hitched. "See." Lexa added, her face even closer. Lexa pressed her body against Clarke's and leaned her forehead against Clarke's. Lexa moved her mouth close to Clarkes.

"Please. Stop." Clarke said, but Lexa knows she wants this because if she didn't, she would have made Lexa stop a while ago. Lexa brushed the tips of her lips against the tips of Clarke's lips before kissing the side of her neck. Clarke's breath got heavier and her heart starting beating faster. 'Shit. Maybe Lexa is right.' Clarke thought.

"Lexa stop. Please stop. All we are is friends. I am straight."

"So is spaghetti, until it's wet." Lexa said against Clarke's neck as her hand came up to cup Clarke's covered breast. Clarke gasped and moaned at the same time at Lexa's touch. Clarke felt a huge wave of heat and pleasure roar through her body and she needed friction.

"Lexa…" Clarke managed to say as Lexa messaged Clarke's breast through Clarke's nightgown that she had worn to bed. Lexa moved over to kiss the other side of Clarke's neck. As the need for friction over whelmed her, Clarke started to slowly rock her hips gently against Lexa's. Lexa smiled a bit against Clarke's neck and got the idea, so she slipped her thigh in between Clarke's legs. Clarke moaned and gripped a shelf on the book case she was next too as she rocked her hips on Lexa's thigh. Lexa could feel how wet she was from her underwear and stopped kissing Clarke's neck to look her in the eyes.

"See. I told you. Being wet changes everything." Lexa said and Clarke moaned another loud moan. Luckily everyone was on Christmas break because everybody would have heard them. Clarke started to rock her hips faster and Lexa pushed her thigh farther up in between Clarke's legs.

"Fuck." Clarke panted out. Clarke didn't want to come, she didn't want to give Lexa the satisfaction of being right, but it hit her like a brick. Clarke shut her eyes, opened her mouth in a silent moan, and pushed her head back in the wall as she came on Lexa's thigh. Lexa watched the whole time and she was surprised that she became aroused watching Clarke. Lexa removed her leg and Clarke fell to the floor panting. Lexa sat next to her. Lexa would have normally never forced Clarke into something like that, but it was the only way to prove to Clarke that they were more than friends. When Clarke gained her breath back, she looked at Lexa.

"Lexa, What the f…." Clarke started before Lexa interrupted her.

"I know. I know. That was wrong of me to do. I'm sorry." Lexa said.

"I can't believe you just did that."

"To be fair, you never pushed me away." Lexa said and she was right. Did Clarke really want that to happen? Is that why she didn't push Lexa away? Clarke sighed in response. They both sat in silence. Then there was a knock on the door.

"Wake up bitches! It's present time." Octavia yelled through the door. Lexa and Clarke both got up and decided not to change, so they left in their pajamas. They didn't say a word to each other as they walked to Octavia's dorm room. Once they got there, they all sat around the tree, ready to open presents. Clarke sat next to Lexa even though it became really awkward.

"Alright," Octavia began as she went under the miniature tree to get a present, "Lincoln first." She handed him the present and sat on her bed next to him as he opened it.

"Babe. You didn't have too." Lincoln said. Octavia smiled and kissed him on the cheek as he admired the gold watch she just got for him. Clarke smiled at how happy they were and snuck a glance over at Lexa who was focusing her attention to the happy couple. Clarke bit her lip.

"Clarke!" Bellamy shouted as he threw his present at her from across the room. Clarke caught it and Lexa turned to see what is was. Clarke opened it to find a navy blue T-shirt from Sky University. Clarke had a confused look on her face and looked up at Bellamy who sat on Octavia's roommate's bed next to Raven.

"That is the school you were supposed to go too." Bellamy said.

"No. I wanted to come here with Octavia." Clarke said back.

"No you didn't. You just wanted to piss your mom off." Bellamy said taking a sip from the bottle of water in his hand.

"Fuck off." Clarke told him and he held his hands up in surrender, but deep inside, Clarke knew he was right and only did that to be a smartass. She looked at Lexa who was staring at her with sorrowful eyes. Lexa knew that something happened with Clarke and her mom, but she didn't know everything. Feeling like she was about to cry, Clarke turned her face away and grabbed her present for Octavia.

"Here O." Clarke handed her present over to Octavia. Octavia screamed in excitement when she opened a concert ticket for Panic at the Disco, which is her favorite band and Clarke's as well.

"Holy shit Clarke! You didn't!" Octavia pounced up from the bed and hugged Clarke tight. Then Octavia gave Clarke hers which was a bunch of film for her polaroid camera. Octavia also got something for Lexa which was an oversized hunter green Grounder University T-shirt.

"Here's your present asshole." Clarke said as she threw her present for Bellamy as him.

"Wow Clarke, how generous of you to get me a Grounder University key chain with my name on it." Bellamy said sarcastically.

"Hey, I had to get it specially made and it cost me an extra 2 bucks. There aren't many Bellamy's in this world."

"Oh no, you are going to go broke." Bellamy said laughing.

"Just shut up and be grateful I got you something." Clarke said. Clarke then gave Raven her present, which was a bunch of old CD's of her favorite bands. Raven gave Clarke some acrylic paint and new paintbrushes.

"I didn't know you paint." Lexa said.

"Yea, I have been doing it ever since I was little." Clarke answered.

"You should show me sometime." Lexa said and Clarke shrugged in response.

"Lexa, I'm sorry I didn't get you anything. I didn't even know you existed." Bellamy said.

"It's alright. I didn't know you existed either." Lexa answered.

"You mean Clarke didn't talk about me?" Bellamy said faking a hurt voice.

"No, not really."

"Wow, I'm hurt."

"Bellamy, shut the fuck up. You're not **_that_** important." Clarke said.

"You know. Lexa, I was Clarke's first kiss." Bellamy said.

"You were?" Lexa questioned and then looked at Clarke, "He was?" Clarke nodded.

"That was in seventh grade. Get over it." Clarke said looking at Bellamy.

"Don't worry, I am." Bellamy said. Then they all sat in an awkward silence.

"So who is going to open up the next present?" Octavia asked snuggled up to Lincoln. Lexa reached under the tree and gave the present to Clarke.

"For me?" Clarke asked and Lexa nodded. Clarke started to open the present. It is a picture book with all the pictures of them in it and more spaces to put upcoming ones. Clarke flipped through the book. She saw the picture of them after the first day of school, one of them laughing while in the same bed during one of their late night talks, one of them with noodle mustaches from eating Chinese food. Clarke started to tear up a bit. She looked up at Lexa who was already looking.

"This is so beautiful. Thank you." Clarke said pulling Lexa in for a hug. The hug was a little awkward, but at the moment Clarke didn't care. All she wanted was Lexa in her arms. Clarke pulled away from the hug and wiped a tear that had fallen from her eye. Then she grabbed Lexa's present. Lexa started unwrapping it to see that it was a painting on a medium-sized canvas.

"Did you paint this?" Lexa asked and Clarke nodded. It was a painting of the open field on campus. Except it was dark and there were stars in the sky and Lexa and Clarke were laying on the grass watching them.

"I can't believe that you painted this. This is amazing. How did I never see you painting." Lexa asked.

"I did it one day when you were at the library studying." Clarke answered. Lexa smiled.

"Thank you Clarke. This means so much to me." Lexa pulled Clarke in for another hug. Clarke awkwardly smiled when Lexa hugged her. One hug was fine, but two seemed to be pushing her comfort zone. After everyone finished opening their presents, Lexa and Clarke went back to their room to change. They didn't talk the whole way or when they got into the room. They both faced a wall as they changed. Lexa finished first and she looked back to see if Clarke was done. She saw Clarke in her underwear and bare backed pulling up her pants. Lexa quickly flipped her head back around the look at the wall. When Clarke was finished, she walked to the door.

"So are you just never going to talk to me?" Lexa asked.

"Only when necessary." Clarke answered. Lexa bit her lip to hold back tears. Their whole friendship just went to complete shit all because of what Lexa did.

"Clarke."

"Yes?"

"Please. Please don't shut me out." Lexa said Clarke didn't say anything. Clarke grabbed the door handle but she froze, she couldn't open it. Tears began to form in Clarke's eyes. Lexa, who already had tears that had fallen, walked closer to Clarke. "I'm so sorry."

"I know you are." Clarke sniffled, "But that doesn't change what you did."

"Clarke. I didn't even touch you." Lexa said even though after she did, she regretted it because it was such a shitty thing for her to say.

"That is seriously how you are going to defend yourself?" Clarke turned to face Lexa, "Maybe you didn't touch me with your hands or your mouth, but you touched me."

"I needed to show you that this could be what you want." Lexa said as a tear rolled down her cheek.

"Maybe I did want it. But now you fucked that up. I don't ever want you to touch me again. I don't even what to be near you," Clarke said as tears poured out of Lexa's eyes, "If you just gave me time, you could have had what you wanted." Clarke shrugged.

"Clarke, please."

"No. You fucked things up for yourself. I fell in love with you," Clarke said, now tears pouring out of her eyes, "I was scared to admit it. I had always thought I liked boys, but then you came into my life and everything changed. I am so in love with you it hurts. But I can't be with you. Now I don't want to be with you. I wish that I was the one to make my decision towards you, but you unfortunately made it for me." Clarke stared at Lexa for a moment before turning and walking out the door leaving Lexa in their room to sob.

 ***Ummm, yea so that happened. Tell me what you think in the comments.***


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

For Christmas dinner, the gang went over to Octavia's dorm room and she ordered Chinese food from a place that was open 365 days a year. Clarke and Lexa haven't spoken since the fight they had. Lexa couldn't even look at Clarke without feeling like she was going to cry. Lexa sat next to the lit Christmas tree alone while everyone else was sitting on the beds.

"What is wrong with her?" Bellamy asked Clarke.

"I don't know." Clarke said taking another bite of her fried rice.

"Clarke. Come on. I know when something is up. You're pissed at her for something."

"No I'm not. She is just upset."

"Because you are pissed at her." Bellamy said.

"Okay! Fine! So maybe I am pissed at her, why does it matter?"

"Because you two are like peas in a pod. You are closer with her than you ever were with Octavia your entire life. It matters." Bellamy took a fork full of Clarke's rice and then got up and sat in the desk chair next to Octavia's bed, where everyone else was sitting. Clarke looked over at Lexa who was eating her food as a tear snuck out from her eye. Clarke felt bad for her, but she didn't want to feel bad for her. 'I need to forget about everything for a while.' Clarke thought.

"Let's open the beers." Clarke said getting up and grabbing one from the mini fridge. She downed half of one in one gulp.

"Whoa, easy there tiger." Bellamy said and Clarke held up her middle finger at him. Two hours and a couple of beers later, everyone sat on the floor and decided to play truth or dare. By this time, Clarke had forgotten she was mad at Lexa and Lexa had forgotten she was sad.

"Truth or dare?" Octavia asked Bellamy.

"Truth" He said.

"If you could fuck someone you knew you never could, who would it be?" Bellamy thought about the question.

"Sophia Vergara." Bellamy said as he took another sip of his beer.

"Mmmhmm. Good choice." Lincoln said. Bellamy raised his beer at him.

"Alright Clarke, truth or dare."

"Let's do…. Truth." She said.

"Why are you pissed at Lexa?" Bellamy asked. Apparently he hasn't had enough beers to forget about that. Clarke looked at Lexa and then back at Bellamy.

"Pass." Clarke simply said.

"What? You can't use a pass." Bellamy said.

"Yea I can. Before we started the game Raven said we could have a pass, so I used it." Clarke said and Bellamy rolled his eyes.

"Fine. Then it's your turn."

"Okay. Octavia, truth or dare?" Clarke asked.

"Truth." She said.

"Ugh. Come on. Everybody is picking truth." Lincoln said and Octavia shrugged.

"It's fine. So, have you and Lincoln made a sex tape?" Clarke asked and Octavia's face got all red. "Oh my god. You have. You dirty little whore." Clarke laughed.

"It was only once. We wanted to spice things up a bit." Octavia defended herself as Bellamy gave her a displeasing look. "Okay okay, change the topic. Lexa truth or dare?" Octavia asked.

"I'll be the brave one and do dare." Lexa answered and Octavia pondered for a moment.

"I dare you to kiss Clarke." Octavia said and Clarke's heart sank and her eyes widened. "For ten seconds, opened mouthed." Octavia added.

"Octavia! What the fuck?" Clarke asked, "Lexa, use the pass."

"No. I might need it for something else." Lexa said.

"Lexa don't you dare. I swear to god."

"What's the big deal Clarke? You two are already really close." Bellamy asked trying to be manipulative.

"No. Bellamy. Stay the fuck out of this." Clarke yelled at him.

"Jesus Clarke. I didn't think this would cause such a big problem." Octavia said. Clarke was about to say something back before Lexa grabbed her face and pushed Clarke's lips against her own. This is the second kiss that they have shared. Clarke's eyes were wide open at first and she wanted to pull away, but her body didn't want her too. Her body craved the touch of Lexa's lips. So, Clarke closed her eyes and kissed back. This is exactly what Clarke is afraid of. That they would kiss and then Clarke would want to come back to Lexa for more, well, mission accomplished. Bellamy cleared his throat and Clarke snapped away from the kiss looking at Lexa with seductive, yet sorrowful eyes.

"That was way longer than 10 seconds just to let you know." Bellamy said.

"Well what can I say? Lexa is an amazing kisser, you would stay longer if you could too." Clarke said playfully because she was not in the mood to be romantic or serious. Bellamy shrugged. The gang played for about another hour before Lexa and Clarke walked back to their dorm.

"Am I really a good kisser?" Lexa asked.

"I want to say no, but you are." Clarke answered as she tried to find her key. Lexa smiled slightly and Clarke finally managed to get the door open.

"I really am sorry." Lexa said.

"Why did you feel like you had to do that?" Clarke asked and Lexa couldn't give her a reasonable answer.

"Clarke, I wanted to wait to give you this and wait for it to be the right moment. But it turns out there will probably never be a right moment, so I will just give it to you now." Lexa said reaching under her bed and grabbing a tiny box. Clarke walked up to her and stood next to her.

"What is this?" Clarke said really confused. Lexa held out a silver heart necklace. It looked exactly like the one from Tiffany & Co. without the engravings. "Lexa… I…"

"Just shut up and take the necklace." Lexa said and Clarke still didn't take it. "Take it."

"When did you buy this for me?" Clarke asked with sorrowful and confused eyes.

"A few nights before Christmas Eve. I was planning on giving it to you today like around this time. But it should have been more special. You shouldn't be mad at me and we shouldn't be completely wasted. I was going to hint that I was into you when I gave you this. But, whatever. Just take the damn necklace." Lexa said shoving the necklace towards Clarke.

"Can you put it on me?" Clarke asked and turned around. Lexa moved Clarke's hair out of the way and put the necklace over Clarke's head. Clarke shivered when the cold metal of the heart touched her exposed neck. Lexa hooked the clasp and moved Clarke's hair over it and Clarke turned back around to face her.

"It looks good on you. I'm glad I picked that one." Lexa said blankly.

"When did you know that you love me?" Clarke asked completely changing the topic.

"I fell in love with you in an instant. But the exact moment was before fall break. It was when you were dancing in our room in your sports bra and then you tripped and started to laugh. I was sitting on my bed trying to study for my upcoming test and I couldn't focus. I couldn't take my eyes off of you. Every little thing you did in that moment was perfect. Your laugh, your smile, even the color sports bra you were wearing. It was all so perfect. And that is the moment that I fell in love with you." Lexa said tearing up a little remembering the perfect memory. Clarke bit her lip to keep her own tears from falling. And before Clarke knew it, she had pressed her lips up to Lexa's. Clarke kissed her with passion and aggression as she let all of her anger from before flow into the kiss.

"Clarke, what are you doing?" Lexa asked in between kisses.

"Letting you show me that you love me." Clarke said as she pulled away from the kiss and looked into Lexa's eyes.

"But, I, I thought that you never wanted me to touch you again."

"I want you to touch me. This time using your hands and your mouth. Lexa, I want you to make me cum." Clarke whispered into Lexa's ear as she placed a light kiss on her earlobe. Lexa moaned a little and tilted her head back as Clarke kissed her neck. "I want to touch you and show you that I love you." Clarke added as she pushed Lexa onto Lexa's bed. Clarke climbed on top of her and starting kissing her, slowly sliding her tongue in her mouth. Lexa, being afraid to touch Clarke, held her hands at her side until Clarke grabbed her right hand and used it to cup Clarke's bra under her shirt. Clarke stopped kissing for a moment and lifted her body up. She looked down at Lexa as she removed her top and bra, allowing her breasts to be free. Clarke waited for Lexa to grab her breasts but it never happened.

"Lexa, what's wrong?" Clarke asked.

"I can't do this." Lexa said being completely honest.

"Don't be afraid. I want you to touch me. I really do." Clarke said grabbing her own breasts before unbuttoning her pants and climbing off Lexa to remove them.

"Clarke I honestly am not ready."

"How? You basically raped me today." Clarke said, anger in her voice. Lexa sat up and tried not to look at Clarke's almost naked body before her. "And you have seen me like this before." Clarke added, noticing what Lexa was doing.

"But it's different now. I hate myself for what I did to you earlier. It is not like me and I have no idea what came over me. I don't want to have sex with you. Not tonight, not after what I did earlier. It doesn't feel right. And you're still mad at me. This shouldn't be our first time." Lexa said looking down at her bed, "Well, second?" She added in a whisper.

"Un-fucking-believable. You give me the worst mixed signals in the world. I don't want you and you force me, I do want you and you don't want to have sex with me. And your right, it doesn't feel right because I am still so pissed at you. Now that I am becoming sober, everything is clearer. So thank you, for stopping because it would have been a huge messy mistake." Clarke said as she started to cry. She scurried over to her dresser to put on her PJ's and rolled on to her bed, facing the wall instead of Lexa.

"Merry Christmas." Clarke said before turning off the light and leaving Lexa shocked and confused.

 ***Hey guys! Thank you for being so patient! I have been in school and it has been absolutely hectic! But, I'm not trying to make excuses. Anyways, what do you think about this chapter? Please write a review on it! and don't be afraid to give me ideas for new stories or message me! I love meeting new people! :)***


	5. Chapter 5

Six days have passed and Christmas break is almost over. Clarke and Lexa have barley spoken to each other. It's like they're strangers again. Clarke isn't pissed about what Lexa did anymore, she is just disappointed that Lexa felt that she had to do that. Clarke is also thinking about her own feelings towards Lexa. She doesn't know what they mean. But, she knows Lexa's feelings towards her. They are crystal clear, even if it doesn't seem that way at the moment. Lexa loves Clarke and Clarke is beginning to think that she might love Lexa. It's now December 31st, New Year's Eve. Bellamy and Raven already left to go back to Sky University, so that left Clarke, Lexa, and Octavia. Octavia is sitting on Clarke's bed texting Lincoln, who went on vacation for New Year's with his friends. Lexa sat on her bed reading while Clarke sat next to Octavia, silent as she played with her hands. When Lincoln texted Octavia that he had to go, she noticed the awkward silence and tension in the room.

"So, what's been going on with you two?" Octavia asked and Clarke and Lexa both turned their attention towards her.

"What you mean?" Clarke asked pretending to be clueless.

"I mean the past couple times that we've hung out, you two have barley spoken. Why is that? You guys used to be inseparable." Octavia said as her eyes switched between Clarke and Lexa.

"Nothing's wrong." Clarke simply answered and Octavia didn't believe her so she looked at Lexa for assurance. Lexa looked back and forth at Clarke and Octavia not knowing if she should tell the truth. Clarke widened her eyes and mouthed 'No'.

"Yea, nothing's wrong. We're fine." Lexa answered and fake smiled before she looked back down at her book, feeling a wave of guilt rush through her. Octavia stayed there for about 30 more minutes before she decided to leave and watch TV in her dorm. As soon as the door closed, Lexa put her book down and stared at Clarke.

"Why did you make me lie?" Lexa asked firmly.

"I didn't make you do anything. I simply suggested that you lie." Clarke said not looking at Lexa.

"Why do you want to lie to her anyways? She is-was-is, I don't know, your best friend."

"Do you want me to tell her what you did? I don't think that would set a good reputation for you. And for your information, she IS my best friend. You unfortunately lost that title." Clarke said, looking into Lexa's green eyes. Lexa sighed and looked down at the floor before looking back up at Clarke.

"Clarke, I don't know what to do. How can I fix things and make them like they used to be?"

"You shouldn't have done anything with me. That would've solved a lot of these problems." Clarke said rolling her eyes and lay back on the bed.

"Well, that happened Clarke. I can't change that. That was the past, so how do I change the present? And hopefully the future."

"I don't know Lexa. I want to forget it ever happened. I am trying to. I'm not mad at you anymore. I'm just sad, sad that you did what you did. But even if we do go back to normal and I'm over the rape incident, you'll always still have feelings for me. That will never change." Clarke said as she sat up to look at the brunette before her. Lexa bit her lip and brushed her toes back and forth on the carpet.

"Well do you have feelings for me?" Lexa asked with a scared tone. Clarke's heart dropped.

"I-I don't know. Maybe." Clarke answered as a tear began to form in her eye. It should be Lexa crying. She should be the one feeling all the pain for what she did to Clarke, but its Clarke feeling all the pain. Lexa walked over and sat on Clarke's bed next to her. As the tear streamed down Clarke's face, Lexa brushed it away and pulled Clarke's face to hers so their eyes would meet. Lexa leaned in closer to Clarke, unsure about what she was doing. Even though right now isn't a good time for kissing Clarke, Lexa couldn't help it. She had to kiss her and this time Lexa was sure it was for the right reasons. She gave Clarke a little time to pull away, but she never did, so Lexa gently placed her lips on Clarke's. She pulled away and Clarke started into her eyes. This time Clarke leaned in and pressed her lips to Lexa's. It was gentle but more pushy. As the kiss went on Lexa slowly slid the tip of her tongue into Clarke's mouth. Clarke caressed it with her own tongue. Their breathing began to become a little heavier and Clarke slid her hand in Lexa's hair. Clarke started to cry again and Lexa tasted her tears. She pulled away and looked at the blondes teary eyes.

"I'm scared." Clarke said in a whisper.

"Why are you scared?" Lexa asked also in a whisper.

"I'm scared to have feelings for you. And about what people will think about them. I'm scared to admit that 'I love you.' " Lexa was taken aback by Clarkes response.

"You love me?"

"Of course I love you. How can I not? You are literally my only light in the darkness of this miserable world. That's what scares me."

"But what's there to be afraid about?"

"I can't love another woman. I'll be shunned. My mom won't accept me. No-one will accept me. Not now and not ever." Clarke sobbed.

"Clarke, look at me," Lexa said as she tilted Clarkes head up, "I love you. It's scary. It's going to be hard and sometimes painful. But I will suffer it all, just to be with you for even a second of every day." Clarke was completely speechless and she felt like she was going to explode. There is nothing that she can do to show Lexa this amazing feeling of love that she is feeling. So, Clarke just leaned in for a soft kiss, not wanting too much out of it. Just to get lost with the one person she loves the most in this world.

 *** Wow it's a short chapter and it took me forever to upload. Extremely sorry, I promise that I'm trying to get better at uploading. Please comment new story ideas because I don't know what to write next at all once this story is over so...***


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